Marriage

The True Purpose of Marriage

“I’ll be married when I’m 20 years old and have my first child at 21.” (or so I thought) As I think back, I can’t help but laugh at myself. I always thought that by the time I was 20, I’d be married. Yup, that was the plan. Correction: that was my plan.

Fast-forward two years later, I am now 22 and not married. Phew! It’s not that I don’t want to get married, I really do, just not yet. From 20 to 22 years old, my view on marriage has changed drastically (in a good way). Before, I wouldn’t have had the adequate tools, knowledge, maturity, and mindset. Even now, there are still many areas in my life that God needs to work on first so that in the future I can be a good wife to my man who shall be my husband one day. I know one can never be 100% ready for marriage, however there are things in our lives that could be worked on while we are single to avoid bringing unnecessary baggage into our marriage.

For a long time, I possessed an unrealistic and superficial view on marriage. Thinking back, I realize I would have married for all the wrong reasons. I viewed marriage as my very own happy bubble. Like any girl, I envisioned I’d marry the perfect guy who would sweep me off my feet, complete me, love me perfectly and fulfill my every need.

It wasn’t until I read the following quote that my view on marriage changed forever!

“How would you ever learn unconditional love if you were married to someone who met all the conditions? How would you ever learn mercy, patience, long-suffering, heartfelt compassion if you were married to someone who never failed you, who was never difficult with you, who never sinned against you, who was never slow to acknowledge their sin or ask forgiveness? How would you ever learn grace to pour out your favor on someone who did not deserve it if you were married to someone who was always deserving of all good things? The main purpose of marriage is that, through your marriage,  you become conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Marriage, I believe, is the greatest instrument of sanctification.”  – Paul Washer

 

Here are three things to keep in mind before you marry and throughout marriage:

1. Nobody’s Perfect

We forget that when it comes to marriage, it means there are two imperfect, flawed, sinful people coming together. We cannot withhold unattainable expectations for our spouse that no human being can possibly reach. They aren’t Jesus! Your spouse will never be able to satisfy you the way Jesus satisfies you. The moment they fail you, hurt you or disappoint you, remember that they are human just like you. At that moment, even though it may be difficult, we must extend grace and forgive. Why? Because that’s what Jesus would do and that’s what He did you and me. We did not deserve His love nor His grace, and yet He poured it our over us abundantly.

2. Marriage is NOT About Us

We’ve made marriage about ourselves. We think it’s for our happiness, our pleasure, our desires, and our selfish needs, but marriage is to glorify God. It’s so that others can see Jesus reflected through it. God uses marriage to polish our rough edges and mold our character to His. It’s meant to make us holy, not happy.

3. You Will Get Hurt

I know, I know . . . it’s not something we want to hear, but it’s the truth. Like I said earlier, we aren’t perfect, so we’re bound to hurt each other at some point or another either through words or actions. That’s the whole point! Allow me to elaborate.

When you marry the person you love, you become vulnerable, you open up your heart to that person in ways you never thought you could. Essentially you let your guard down because you love and trust your spouse enough to open your heart to him/her.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear …” – 1 John 4:18

By loving someone you become vulnerable because you run the risk of getting hurt when your guard is down. (And it should be down because there shouldn’t be any barriers between you and your spouse since you are one flesh.) However, it’s the act of willingly exposing yourself to the possibility of getting hurt and committing to that person (even when they do) that reflects the true image of Christ. Marriage is a covenant, which means that no matter what happens, love will overcome whatever obstacle comes your way. “For better or worse, for richer or poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

 

Jesus Christ made Himself vulnerable for you and I. He willingly opened and shared His heart with us knowing we would hurt Him in many ways and still that did not stop Him from loving us. He died for people who might never love Him back and who might never want a relationship with Him. Christ loved us in our mess and accepted the whole package deal, just like in marriage, the good, bad, and ugly.

In conclusion: marriage is to be more like Jesus. This is the ultimate goal and true purpose of marriage. When the time comes to say “I Do” not only will I be committing myself to my husband, but committing myself to the divine and perfect will of God. By saying “I Do” we will be telling God that we allow Him to use marriage to sanctify us. Knowing this truth, will allow us to enter marriage with the mindset of God.

 

With love

Evelyn Alcaraz ❤

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El Verdadero Propósito del Matrimonio

“Me casaré cuando tenga 20 años y tendré mi primer hijo a los 21.” (o eso pensaba) Cuando pienso en esto me da mucha risa de mí misma. Siempre pensé que cuando tuviera 20 años, estaría casada. Ese era el plan, mejor dicho, ese era mi plan.

Dos años más tarde, ahora tengo 22 años y no estoy casada. ¡Menos mal! No es que no me quiera casar, solo que no por el momento. De 20 a 22 años, mi punto de vista sobre el matrimonio ha cambiado drásticamente (en un buen sentido). Antes, no habría tenido las herramientas adecuadas como el conocimiento, la madurez y la mentalidad que tengo ahora. Incluso ahora, todavía hay muchas áreas de mi vida en las cuales Dios tiene que trabajar en mi primero, para poder ser una buena esposa para el hombre que algún día será mi esposo. Sin embargo, sé que uno nunca puede estar 100% listo para el matrimonio, pero hay cosas en nuestras vidas en las que debemos trabajar mientras estamos solteros para evitar llevar cargas innecesarias a nuestro matrimonio.

Durante mucho tiempo, tuve una visión poco realista y superficial acerca del matrimonio. Al recordarlo, me doy cuenta de que me habría casado por las razones equivocadas. Veía el matrimonio como mi propia burbuja de felicidad. Al igual que cualquier chica, imaginé que me casaría con el hombre perfecto que me completaría, me amaría perfectamente y supliría todas mis necesidades.

No fue hasta que leí lo siguiente, que mi perspectiva sobre el matrimonio cambió por completo.

“¿Cómo aprenderás amor incondicional si te casas con alguien que cumple todos los requisitos ? ¿Cómo aprenderás a tener misericordia, paciencia, compasión, si te casas con alguien que nunca te ha fallado, que nunca fue difícil, que nunca pecó contra ti, que nunca tardó en reconocer su pecado o pedir perdón? ¿Cómo aprenderás a derramar gracia y favor a alguien que no lo merece, si estas casado con alguien que siempre merece todo lo bueno? El propósito principal del matrimonio es que, a través del matrimonio, seamos hechos conforme a la imagen de Jesucristo. El matrimonio, en mi opinión, es el mejor instrumento de la santificación .”  – Paul Washer

 

Hay tres cosas para tener en cuenta antes del matrimonio y tambien durante el matrimonio:

1. Nadie es Perfecto

Se nos olvida que cuando se trata de matrimonio, significa que hay dos personas imperfectas y pecadoras que se unen. No podemos tener expectativas inalcanzables hacia nuestro cónyuge que ningún ser humano puede alcanzar. Ellos no son Jesús! Tu cónyuge nunca será capaz de satisfacerte de la manera en que Jesús te satisface. El momento en que te fallen, te hieran o decepcionen, recuerda que son seres humanos igual que tu. En ese momento, a pesar de que sea difícil, debemos extender gracia y perdonar. ¿Por qué? Porque eso es lo que haría Jesús y eso fue lo que Él hizo por nosotros. No nos merecíamos su amor, ni su gracia. Sin embargo, Él la derramó abundantemente sobre nosotros.

2. El Matrimonio NO se Trata de Nosotros

Hemos hecho del matrimonio algo que se trata de nosotros mismos. Creemos que es para nuestra felicidad, nuestro placer, nuestros deseos y nuestras necesidades egoístas, pero el matrimonio es para glorificar a Dios. Es para que otros puedan ver a Jesús a través del matrimonio y como consequencia seremos felices. Dios usa el matrimonio para pulir esas asperezas en nosotros y moldear nuestro carácter hacia el de Él. Es para hacernos santos, no felices.

3. Te Herirán

Sé que es algo que no queremos escuchar, pero es la verdad. Como he dicho antes, no somos perfectos, por lo cual en algún momento podemos herir a aquella persona a través de nuestras palabras o acciones. Pero ese es el punto! Permítame explicarme.

Cuando te casas con la persona que amas, te haces vulnerable, abres tu corazón a esa persona de una manera que nunca pensaste que podrías. Básicamente bajas la guardia porque amas y confías en tu cónyuge lo suficiente como para abrir tu corazón hacia él/ella.

“En el amor no hay temor, sino que el perfecto amor echa fuera el temor …” – 1 Juan 4:18

Al amar a alguien te vuelves vulnerable porque corres el riesgo de que te hieran cuando bajas tu guardia. (Y debes bajarla porque no debería haber barreras entre tu y tu cónyuge porque son una sola carne.) Sin embargo, es el acto de exponerte voluntariamente a la posibilidad de que te lastimen y comprometerte con esa persona (incluso cuando lo hace) que refleja la verdadera imagen de Cristo. El matrimonio es un pacto, lo que significa que no importando lo que pase, el amor superará cualquier obstáculo que se presente en el camino. “En salud y enfermedad, en la pobreza y la prosperidad y serle fiel hasta que la muerte los separe”.

 

Jesucristo se hizo vulnerable para ti y para mí. Él voluntariamente abrió y compartió su corazón Su corazón con nosotros sabiendo que lo lastimaríamos de muchas maneras y aún así eso no le impidió amarnos. Murió aún por las personas que nunca lo amarán y que nunca querrán tener una relación con Él. Cristo nos amó en nuestro pecado y aceptó todo el paquete, al igual que un matrimonio, tanto lo bueno como lo malo. Ese es el matrimonio.

En conclusión: el matrimonio es para ser más como Jesús. Este es el objetivo principal y el verdadero propósito del matrimonio. Cuando llegue el momento de casarme no solo me estaré comprometiendo a mi esposo, sino tambien a la divina y perfecta voluntad de Dios. Al decir “acepto” le estaremos diciendo a Dios que le permitimos a Él usar nuestro matrimonio para santificarnos. Conocer esta verdad, nos permitirá comenzar el matrimonio con la mente de Cristo.

 

Con amor

Evelyn Alcaraz ❤

8 thoughts on “The True Purpose of Marriage

    1. Thank you! All the glory belongs to God! You can take a photo like that too! It took my brother several tries, but he eventually got it. Here is a video that explains how to do it. I hope this helps! God bless you 🙂

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  1. I praise God for the wisdom He is teaching you. Pardon me, but I’m a really old fellow in comparison (57) and sometimes I hang my head in shame that I was not wiser in my younger days. But God is good, and has allowed me to receive a hard earned education in His school of life. I married for the wrong reasons and she ended up leaving, denying her faith, and being unfaithful to our marriage. Of course this is only one of the hazards of not understanding marriage, before marriage. Great Post!

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    1. Amen! We have a God who turns mistakes into miracles! Like you said, you’ve learned from all this and that’s what’s important. Many times those very things we wish we could go back and do ever, is the very thing God uses to display His grace to us and others. Thank you for sharing your story brother Sheldon!

      God bless you!

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  2. Nicely done! This reminds me of the story of Hosea, who was a prophet of God ordered by God to marry a prostitute so that Hosea would learn what it was like for God to deal with Israel (constantly being unfaithful to His covenant, constantly disobeying Him, complaining, etc.). Every time his wife left him to go back to being a prostitute, God told Hosea to take her back as his wife. Imagine that! It is also a good example for us, showing us that, like you said, marriage is not just about us and how we feel, but it’s a relationship given to us by God and supported by Him. I am sure that Hosea had a lot of pain and suffering due to the antics of his wife, but he stayed with her through all of that. The Bible offers only a few legitimate reasons for ending a marriage, and many people would be disappointed to read that NONE of them are due to falling out of love, not being happy, etc. Those things, with prayer (also forgiveness and repentance), are easy to overcome and move past. So many people throw away their marriages, not really thinking about all that they will lose by doing so.

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